Deep diving and facing my fears – July 2020

So here I am, about to launch Singita Online Club, and I truly have had to face my own fears and move beyond them.

Nothing like having to watch yourself on video, your inner critic doing it’s best job, to make you feel awash with self-doubting emotion. But here goes – I am just going to dive right in.

Yes for 30 years I have been standing up in front of people delivering fitness classes – but I still always feel that slight butterfly flutter of nerves before each class. The mix of anticipation and excitement of an unknown outcome – anything can unfold during a class. But now thankfully, it is not quite as intense as the nervousness felt when I first began my career as a newly qualified instructor.

My younger days of studying Speech & Drama at University and playing drums in a band I guess have all helped me to conquer my fears of an audience, but they never completely go away, and fear and doubt are always ready to rear their heads up to try and keep you from shining your light. My insecure inner child does her best to step in and shatter any illusions of confidence, illuminating my vulnerabilities and leaving me feeling very exposed.

So this is not that easy for me, this exposure, this level of ‘putting myself out there’. But I know it is what I need to do, not just to grow and carve out a livelihood for myself, but more importantly for me to fulfil my purpose, which my inner work on myself has uncovered – that being to help as many people as I can find the joy in movement and fitness. Wellness has been my life’s work, and I will conquer my fears!

I will take solace in this beautiful quote by Brene Brown “vulnerability is the true measure of courage”.